THE ADMIRAL
I got the swag of a 4 star admiral
I got the power of an uncaged animal
I got the mind of a certified genius
Oh, and one more thing, yo:

I got a tiny penis

Yeah I got the wealth, mad ducats in my pocket
But I ain't got a rocket, fit my cock in a locket
I can pop and lock it with the best of the best
You wanted the biggest, well I'm the rest

DTM
Yeah I defy gravity
In my kitchen mixing up perfect martinis
If I spit on a canvas it's a masterpiece
So please stop laughing at my wrinklebeast
I'm an intergalactic ambassador
And a quadruple back flipping matador

THE ADMIRAL
And I'm a triple cartwheeling luchador

DTM
But I got a mini Tennessee throat warmer

THE ADMIRAL
I enrich the flour

DTM
I slice the bread

THE ADMIRAL
But it ain't my fault

BLANG!?
If you can't find my head

THE ADMIRAL
I made the All-Star game when I was a rookie

DTM
But the femmes always fleeing from my zipper Wookie

I was the voice who was speaking to Joan of Ark
I'm the reason we lost Amelia Earhart
With a spitwad I blew up the Death Star
But my piece can't even make your pussy part

My superskills saved Apollo 13
And I stole Coke's secret recipe
I even taught Mike Tyson how to read
But that was all harder than my wang can be

THE ADMIRAL
Yo I arm wrestled Jesus and I won the title
And I shot down the UFO that crashed at Roswell
I can turn invisible, escape from Alcatraz
But my junk is the opposite of critical mass
If you're hurting for a squirtin'
Sorry got a gherkin,
It ain't Mr. Happy it's Mr. Disturbing
Went back in time, saved MLK and Kennedy
But not Honest Abe due to Johnson jealously

DTM
I won Iron Chef

THE ADMIRAL
Spy 006

DTM
When it comes to underwear
I wear

BLANG!?
Double O Dicks

DTM
Play skin flute and the prickolo

THE ADMIRAL
But I'm last chair in the dick orchestra

My El Presidente ain't mas grande
Need a microscope to see my poke
My dong aint' long or big or strong
My boner is a loner, it's a wee little schlong

DTM
Wish my dick was a sledgehammer
But I'm the lover equivalent of "Chutes & Ladders"
You'd better hide your wives and hide your daughters
I'll give them Post-Orgasmic Stress Disorder

THE ADMIRAL
Ain't got a knob, it's more like a nib
My dick's disappointed more than Mr. Pibb
My baby maker's so tired and weary
It's so damn small it's just a theory

DTM
Before I get 'em home I call my dick The Duke
But when we're all alone that's when I get rebuked
"Can't go so far to call yourself a man,
You've got a Matchbox car for a battering ram."

BLANG!?
Ants
(Got bigger dicks)
Paramecium
(Got bigger dicks)
Turtles
(Got bigger dicks)
Girls
(Got bigger dicks)
Moonrocks
(Got bigger dicks)
8-track cassettes
(Got bigger dicks)
Bunnies
(Got bigger dicks)
Even dudes who got their dicks cut off!
(Got bigger dicks)
Mugs
(Got bigger dicks)
Mice
(Got bigger dicks)
AC adaptors
(Got bigger dicks)
Scones
(Got bigger dicks)
Scissors
(Got bigger dicks)
Crackers
(Got bigger dicks)
Crayons
(Got bigger dicks)
Ken dolls
(Got bigger dicks)